With respect to Socrates, my unexamined life is not worth living. The front room is the face we show everyone but we hide our true self in the back room.
It would be great if I could return home from work and immediately settle in to write. Right now I have an ample amount of free time which would allow me to be productive. Unfortunately, I get home and spend thirty minutes processing the sessions I conducted, maybe have a beer, maybe clean the apartment, do laundry, sort mail, exercise, have a snack, or go on the computer.
In past entries I explained that “go on the computer” did not always mean “get started on my writing”. It becomes harder to sit and wait for inspiration to come. The inspiration eventually comes from inundating me with thoughts, reading old stories, bits and fragments of ideas and freestyle brainstorming.
This routine takes hours, the equivalent of taking my brain to dinner listening to her and then going for a stroll. I devote my complete attention to my brain and trust the process. And eventually, I begin writing.
Problem is, it may be 7pm by that time and other priorities begin to take shape. My ego brain instead of allowing being seduced introduces me to her free and easy id roommate and another entry is made.
Yes. It does feel like I’m cheating on my writing to go off and have a fling with my stress-free blog. With her I have no deadlines, no pressure to perform, no anxiety getting attached, no contradictions or mind games.
Good god, man. If this is the way you truly feel, why do you even stay with her? Maybe at this time in your life you need a blog like SanDeE, Sarah Jessica Parker’s character from L.A. Story. Maybe you need to relax and get your breeze back.
Since I started something other than the TV Guide I have wanted to be a writer. There is a deep and satisfying struggle in me to create. I can’t not write. Something is always stirring, always bubbling but I don’t devote the time and concentration. I still treat it like a hobby.
Seeing SanDeE allows me freedom to write. For me it’s about being in the moment when I eventually catch fire. I have everyone rooting for me. Everyone except myself.
The battle continues.