With respect to Socrates, my unexamined life is not worth living. The front room is the face we show everyone but we hide our true self in the back room.
I am still unsure what I want from starting The Back Room. While not a social person, I am enjoying the feedback and web logs from others around the world. It is the kick in the ass I need to get back into writing mode. Working full time gives me all the reasons to put off writing however with the free time I have the gnawing inside grows when I’m not at least trying.
Trying to write. Brainstorming, sifting old ideas, running over new ones. For me, I need to spend several hours at a time inundating myself with my thoughts and words and conversations to get something cooking. A lot of fun concepts came out of a several hour session this weekend. No matter what happens to actual copy I am happy to be once more struggling with the beast.
In every session I encounter the question why are you making it so hard on yourself comes up. Why don’t you start simple. You tell your patients about small successes and how that can spur one to continue to feel productive, confident and able to tackle bigger challenges. Why are you trying to figure out what it is before you even have something? An idea is great but put it on the road and see how it handles. Is this something you feel comfortable with? Maybe you should step back and get out of your head. Maybe you should just enjoy the writing.
Enjoy the writing. I enjoy the process. I enjoy the ideas. I enjoy the stimulation of new concepts coming up. I enjoy the time I spend poring over these new concepts and trying them out uncritically. I do not enjoy coming back to earth after a few hours. I feel like I was onto something. I need a few more hours.
But I have already spoken on leaving something and coming back a different person. This brings me to The Back Room. I write what I’m feeling. I try to have it make some sense. I try to tie up each post as a complete thought because I will not ever be in the same head space again. I write, review, and it is posted. I don’t look at it again.
It is this freedom and small success that allows me to believe I am onto something. A constant reminder to stay focused even when life happens.
Life happens every day. I like thinking about new ways to improve myself, believing that small improvements can create lasting changes. Taking better care of me like sleeping better can impact my daily energy and ability to be inspired. Something like that.
If I get a poor night’s sleep, or I lose another patient this is life happening. Both were true today and in their alarming frequency it is necessary to stop before the distraction turns into a problem. I cannot do anything about the latter (my fourth death in 3 months) but the sleeping routine can certainly be tweaked to aid in a more healthy lifestyle.
As for the writing, I have two options. Try to tackle a strange coincidence from over 10 years ago or write simpler manageable stories. Or at least sentences. Like Hessler, like West, like Barnes, like Hemingway the sentences carry the day, not the story. If the sentences run the story is an incidental windfall.
Here’s to struggling with the beast.